1 Blonde + 1 Red head= 2 CRAZY Girls!

Change

2011-09-23T21:08:00.001-07:00

They say that the only thing constant is change. Today, that feels more true than ever. Today, September 23rd, was the first day of autumn. And as the weather changes this week, so have the lives of so many people I know. Today, as the wind blew cooler and continued to give us the relief we've been needing for months, I drove a hundred miles away to a town I'd never even been to. I was there for a funeral. And as I watched the changing scenery on the drive, and noticed the continuing change of the weather, my heart was heavy with the family and friends we would see when we arrived.
Today, as the world continued to turn and change, it stood still for a mother who was burying her 28-year-old son. And although it is heartbreaking for any mother to bury their baby, this funeral was particularly difficult to watch. Because two years ago, this mother buried her only other child. Her first child was killed by a drunk driver; her son's heart gave out while he slept. Neither of these was expected or even foreshadowed. And yet she had to plan both their funerals. Everything changes.
This week, a co-worker of mine and my husband's was buried as well. A 44-year old father who had a passion for life and who played fantasy football with my husband. Everything changes.
This week also marks the one-year anniversary since my high-school boyfriend passed away. It marks one year since I began emailing his parents back and forth, checking on them and exchanging stories about how our lives are going. It makes one year since I began worrying about how they were holding up, especially his fragile mother.
And one year since my world fell apart healthwise. One year that I've been dealing with the many struggles and trials that have accompanied all the health issues I've had. One year spent answering questions, coming up with new questions, and continuing on what could very well be a lifelong journey to getting better. Everything changes.
I wish I could say this was an unusual situation and that I'd never had so much change at one time. I wish I could say I hadn't lost both my grandfathers within 2 months of eachother, followed by my aunt and next-door neighbor within the next 8 months. I wish I could say I didn't find out I was pregnant at that same time and that I hadn't had many friends pass away before. I wish I could say that everything calmed down for a while, but a year after I gave birth, my brother was dead. And of course, death is not the only change in life. No, we have gained and lost jobs since then. We have made friends and watched others leave our lives. My husband and I have grown apart and together. Everything changes.
I've often felt like I just want life to stop changing... even if just for one year. But if I know anything, it's that change is the only thing I can really count on.
I wish I had a more upbeat note to end this ramble on, but unfortunately my heart is heavy tonight. And try as I might, I think God just wants me in this reflective (albeit slightly depressing) state tonight. ;-)

Dropped Cheese

2011-02-21T20:41:00.000-08:00

My red-head is very strong-willed. And impulsive. I say go; she stops. I say stand still; she runs off. I say lay down; she stands. Up, down. Left, right. Go, stop. Walk, run. No, yes. All day long we do this.
The other day she had requested a band-aid. And although my rule is typically "no blood, no band-aid", I caved and let her have one. Five minutes later, the boo boo was healed and the uber-expensive fancy band aid she insists on having was off. I sighed and told her "Ok, here's the thing. #1... No more band-aids unless there's blood. #2, you don't get one next time you ask." Without missing a beat, my child told me "And #3, I DO get a band-aid any time I ask!" It's little things like band aid conversations that we have all day long.
I give her choices A and B; she will ALWAYS choose C.
And bless her heart, she will try and talk her way out of anything.
Tonight, she INSISTED she needed one more little snack before bed. She wanted a banana. We're out, I told her. She wanted an apple; I wasn't cutting one, I said. She told me she wanted fruit, but of course accepting my offer of grapes wasn't acceptable. She chose cheese. And in true Abbie fashion, she ate 3/4 of it and said she didn't like it. (Because to say "I'm done" would be to admit that she'd once again dramatically insisted on something she didn't need or hardly even want ;-) ). I explained that she had requested that snack even AFTER brushing her teeth and, by golly, she was gonna finish that last bite of cheese. I throw enough food in the trash every day to feed the whole neighborhood, thank you!
And what did my darling do? She PUT the cheese ON THE FLOOR. Didn't drop it. PUT it on the floor and picked it up and said "Well, it fell on the ground. I can't eat it now" Then she pranced over to the trash can and threw it away.
I turned to my mother and told her "I thought the deceitful behavior came LATER in life" She just looked at me and said "well, she is YOUR daughter".
I love my daughter with all of my heart. I do. But she is too smart for her own good sometimes!
That's all that's on my mind tonight ;-)

Melissa

Late night car rides

2011-02-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I drove my daughter home after an eventful evening spent with friends, I felt as if I was driving down memory lane. It was pitch dark and there were very few other cars on the road. Abbie, who had played her heart out, was exhausted and quiet. I drove through our friends' neighborhood, which has a lot of twists and turns. And as I turned my blinker on and off again and again, I heard a familiar and peaceful sound.
When I was young, we always travelled everywhere by car (mostly because our only vacations ever consisted of trips to all the lakes in Texas). And we often found ourselves travelling home late at night. And I remember waking up countless times to the sound of nothing else but my mom's quiet radio and the blinker. It was like the world was just like those almost empty roads: sparsely populated, safe, and peaceful. During the day, everyone always seems to be in a hurry. And there's traffic and people are cutting each other off and then hurrying onto the next place that they are eternally late for. It's stressful and loud and exhuasting. And waking up in those quiet cars with nothing much more than the sound of the blinker just always felt so.... safe.
So I drove Abbie home and I listened to the sound of that blinker, taking it in with the soft music playing in the background. And I relished in the fact that maybe she was feeling as peaceful and safe as I used to during those late-night car rides.
A few months ago, I had a plan for everything. Go to school. Get a degree. Become the best teacher anyone has ever known. Buy a home. Have more children. Lead a successful life juggling a full-time career, 3-4 kids, church, and a bootload of other activities. Do it all with a smile on my face and fresh-baked cookies in the oven.
But last night, driving home, my only goal was to take more late-night drives. So maybe the next time I'm feeling the need for a little more security and peace in my life, I'll put Abbie in the car for a few minutes, drive around the neighborhood, and listen to the blinker blink.

God Bless!
Melissa

The Blue Ornament

2010-12-19T22:02:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting here, wrapping presents and starting at my Christmas tree. The one my daughter and I took such care and time to decorate together. The one she has since decorated (and undecorated) each day since. The one that has brought her so much joy over the last couple of weeks. And it makes me happy. It makes me happy to put more presents under the tree for my husband and to fix the ornaments the way I like them and to have the presents arranged so that the whole thing looks pretty.
But about 3/4 of the way up that tree is a dark blue ornament with a white ribbon. And on that ornament is written "Josh 1988-2008" You see, you could take every meticulously placed blue, silver, and red ornaments off of that tree. You could take all the things off that Abbie and I worked so hard to put in the right place. You could tear the star off the top and unwrap all the lights. You could take the presents out and take away the skirt at the bottom of the tree.
But if you left that one blue ornament there, all alone on that tree, it would look the same to me as it does right now. Because when I look at that tree, that blue ornament might as well be all that is there. The less than 20 years my brother lived might as well be the only thing staring me in the face. And as far as I'm concerned, memories of his face could replace those presents. The candy canes could be snippets of his voice and every twinkling light could be his laughter. Everything about this wonderful tree reminds me that he is not here. And that he never will be for another Christmas. Everything on and under and around that tree reminds me that, while I'm here on earth, I'll never see him smile again or hear him laugh. He'll never pick my daughter up or tell another silly joke. Not here.
But it also reminds me of Jesus's sweet birthday. It reminds me of a time when there were no decorated Christmas trees. No tricked out light shows on every other house on the block. And when a humble man and woman brought a perfectly innocent and vulnerable baby into this world in a stable. When they wrapped him in cloth and laid him in a manger. It reminds me how gifts were brought to him and how we now give gifts to the ones we love today. That tree in my foyer reminds me of a precious baby that would grow into a man. A man who would die for my sins so that I might be saved from all of the many wrong things I have done. And because of that baby, because of that gift, I will see all the things that my Christmas tree represents.
I WILL see my brother smile again. And he will run and grab my daughter in his arms and swing her around. And he will laugh and he will tell jokes and he will be beautiful. I won't see those things here again. I'll have to wait. But that's okay because the best gifts are worth waiting for.
So this Christmas I will remember the joy that our tree brings. I vow to look to the promises of God and not of this earth. I promise to remember the treasures I have here on earth and in Heaven. And I promise to never forget how important the blue ornament is.

Everything's gonna be all right...

2010-09-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

I talked to one of my old friends tonight. One of my old, old friends. We haven't spoken in at least a year or two. And my stomach lurched when she messaged me because we don't usually talk unless someone has died. And although I was actually praying that she was getting in contact with me to break news I already knew (that my first and high school boyfriend had died over the weekend), I was also terrified that she had something to add to that. And I am at my breaking point. I could not handle that. But I took a few deep breaths and answered her call.
Thank goodness, it was the news I already had (Obviously, the news itself is devastating. But I was glad to not have anything in addition to it).
And we rehashed some of the awful things we did and saw during those years in that small town that we've both since escaped. And it was obvious that these things have haunted us for years and that they still continue to do so even when we're hundreds of miles away.
But as we talked, we rejoiced more in where we've come rather than where we've been. She is successful in work and in life and is even considering going to graduate school. I am practically a soccer mom, with my "little family" (her words ;)) and my teaching aspirations.
And as we got off the phone, I realized. We're going to be all right.
In a lot of ways, we're lucky to have survived. The decisions we made were ridiculously stupid. And the people we hung around were unbelievably wrong. And yes, it sucks (excuse my language ;)) to have to hear about some of the people we once called such close friends passing away so young. But we're thankful that we've turned our lives around. And we know that that is the only thing within our control. The best we can do is to pray that God gives us the ability to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference (Yes, one of my favorite prayers and the words currently hanging in my bathroom).
Life goes up and down. Some days we have to pray much harder than other days. And others we have nothing else to cling to but the gratefulness that we made it out of something alive. But we're going to be all right.

Tonight, I blog...

2010-09-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

Not because I have anything extra-special or any cute little anecdotes to throw out there. But just because. Because my other internet forms of communication/entertainment have worn on my last nerve and and make me feel void of morality. :-P So here I am.
And I'm feeling crummy. I feel crummy because I made the crazy decision to go to a great friend's house last night and watch the Cowboys game. And because I was up until 1 am, which is just insane for me ;)
And because I got called by a sweet teacher this morning, asking if I could substitute for her. Which I was HAPPY to do. But alas, I am cursed with the inability to barely function (much less make it past 3-4 pm) on less than 8-10 hours of sleep. And I have spent my evening at home resting and trying to pump my body full of energizing calories and minerals/vitamins to regain just a little bit of my energy.
And I say all of this to say that it makes me worry. Because one day, I *will* have more than one child. And I *will* have to go to work 5 days a week for at least 40 hours or more. And I've done all of this before, but I worry about how I'm going to hold up. And I worry about what I need to do on a daily basis to maintain my health, energy, and sanity. and I hope I'll figure it out before we are done having kids ;) ;) ;)
And, in the spirit of randomness... all of this makes me think about the incredible amount of time our society spends on nearly mindless activities, like the majority of what we use the internet for. And no, it doesn't take sleep-depriviation or a feeling of disgust over gossip websites to bring this realization about. It's just an addition to what's going on in the head of Me tonight. Because that's the only reason you ever tune into my blog, right? To know what's going on in my crazy head? ;)
Have a great night! And sign off the internet early to read a book! ;) :)
Melissa

Crunchy what?

2010-09-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

Go back 3 years in time. And while you're there, find me. And read me this:
Three years from now, you might be called crunchy by some. Go and find a reliable internet source and find out what "crunchy" means. Because you don't currently know.
Three years from now, you won't be afraid to breastfeed in public anymore. And you'll have a much better idea of what you're doing. And a great support group :)
You'll be craving more babies so that you can birth them naturally(and maybe even at home!). You'll know about doulas and midwifes and you'll know that you defintely want a doula for your next birth. You know, so you *don't* have to lay flat on your back and make it almost to 8 cm dialated before breaking down and getting your epidural.
You'll be craving babies to wear around in Ergos and wraps and slings. (Yes, I'm aware that you have no idea what a wrap, sling or Ergo is).
You'll be talking to your husband about what it would be like to be able to homeschool your bright and wonderful 3-year-old. You'll be wondering if the day will ever come where you'll put aside your career (and hers) in elementary education and homeschool her.
You'll have a 3 year old sleeping in your bed. Because that's where she feels safest. And that's where you let her come when she had trouble sleeping tonight. And no, you're not spoiling her. And yes, she is a well-behaved and wonderfully independent child. But nothing beats the security and peace of curling up next to mommy and knowing she's there as you drift off into slumber- and that's what you gave her tonight when she needed it.

You'll be interested in Bento lunches and Moby wraps and a dozen other things that you don't even know how to pronounce yet. You won't think that cloth diapering is something that went out of style with poodle skirts.
You'll be wondering about what the future holds and there will still be lots of question marks. But you do know that it will include wearing your breast-feeding,co-sleeping babies, cuddling them, and giving them the best life you can. You'll know that being a mother is hard. And that there are days where you yell and cry and fall asleep while on duty. You'll know that it sucks to have to run around with bags under your eyes and to drag your argumentative, shoeless toddler around with you. But you'll know that there's nowhere else, and nobody else, that you'd rather be.

P.S. I'll probably faint from the utter confusion of what you've just told me, so bring some smelling salts with you. And oh yeah, please love me enough to give me a cut of the royalties you make off your time machine. ;)

Melissa

One of the weird things I do....

2010-09-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

My parents had a big, leather chair that sat in their living room in TN.On either side of the chair are two large pockets. Apparently it became a favorite place of my little brother's. He'd sit and enjoy some good junk food and a cold beer. The chair was packed up and moved down here when the three of them moved. And it sat in storage for months. After my brother passed away, it was eventually unpacked and put into my parent's new home in the office. One day we randomly noticed that there were still things in the pockets. Candy wrappers mostly. And a cap to a bottled beer.
That chair's been unpacked for 2 years now. It sits upstairs in front of my desk, and I love it. Tonight I emptied the pockets. If it were anything else, I'd throw all the trash away immediately.
But I'll never throw them out. Because they bring back so many memories and images. I can see my brother sitting in that chair late at night, watching TV by himself. I can see him enjoying some of his favorite candies and leaning back with a beer. I can see him watching the History Channel or even late-night cartoons. I can see him playing video games or sitting there teasing my dad.
My brother was one of the most laid-back people you'd ever meet (and, on a side note, not an incredibly healthy eater ;)) He was a typical 19 year old boy and that big comfy chair was one of his favorite places in the house. To me, that chair freezes where he was at when he passed away. As long as I can sit in that chair, I can imagine him reclining in it with me. And when I lean my head back to better focus on the work on my desk, I can see him relaxing as far back as the chair would let him go. And if I reach down into those deep pockets, I can remember what an amazing person he was.

Where am I at?

2010-07-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 years and almost 3 months to the day since I lost Josh. My mom called me the night she found him lifeless in the floor. And as my neighbor drove Abbie and I over there, I prayed as hard as I've ever prayed in my life. But somehow there was this stillness inside of me saying "he's gone". And since the day he left, it's almost been like he's been gone for years. I've always kind of seen it as a coping mechanism. Because to remember what it was like to have him here hurts so much that it's usually unbearable. To go back and remember what it was like for him to come walking through my back door or to have him play with my daughter is just too much. I can't remember what it's like to be able to call him and to hear his voice... to see him sleeping in my living room or to sit down and talk with him. I lost that almost as soon as he was gone.
But sometimes I go back there and I wonder "where am I in this process?" It seems as if I've been in acceptance for so long now. And I went through my stages. I was furious. I was depressed and I was angry. But sometimes I still feel like I never got past "that" place.
I have days where I can talk about Josh's death and go to his grave and it doesn't phase me. But it's when I talk about Josh's life that this weight feels like it's pressing me down into an unbelievably deep hole. And maybe these are thoughts better saved for a counselor. But it was on my mind. I'm not sure where I'm at 27 months later. But hopefully I figure it out one day.

I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain....

2010-05-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

I've seen lonely days when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I'd see you again. A friend's FB post today reminded me of a classic James Taylor song that always makes me think of my brother. I never dreamed, at 19 years old, he'd be here one day and gone the next. After all the last few years prior to his death had brought me, I thought I was done with heartbreak. I thought, surely, I had paid my dues. But it just shows you never know. So just remember to hug and kiss and love the ones you take for granted. You never know who you might not see again.
Melissa

The Blonde reminisces...

2010-05-06T20:37:00.000-07:00

We've all heard it said "The grass is always greener on the other side". But really, what the adage should read is "We always THINK the grass is greener on the other side" Cus that's what it means, right? If you truly understand the saying, you know the grass isn't REALLY greener.. In fact, that lush bermuda is usually just a mirage, a satan-sparked illusion that immediately turns to wilted, sticker-filled hay as soon as you jump that white-picket fence.
So why do we do it? Why do so many of us still reminisce about the past as if it was the best time in our lives? Why do we still long for things we once had? I mean, we gave them up for a reason... right? Why do we day dream about what could have been, what could be, or what's "out there" that we're missing out on?
Why do we google exes and take trips down memory lane?
I'm sure you're thinking I have an answer to all these questions, or at least a theory... But you would be wrong in that assumption. I don 't know. I don't know why some songs remind me of an ex-boyfriend. Yeah, he gave me butterflies in my stomach. But looking back, maybe I was just nauseous ;) But I could care less about someone who was so detrimental to me. So why?
No, my every day life doesn't give me butterflies all the time. It's not exciting and riveting and all the things I used to enjoy fleeting feelings of when I was youngER and single... But I wouldn't trade that crazy, roller-coaster of emotions life for the even crazier, stable life that I have now. I might give some of the responsibility and bills back... But I wouldn't change the people in my life at all. (Read: my husband hasn't ticked me off today ;))
So why do we reminisce? Why do we stare longingly at that greener grass from our toy-cluttered home? Why do we wonder "what if"? Human nature, I guess. Which makes me wonder when us humans are gonna get smarter... ;)
Have a good day,
Melissa

I am creating a new blog!!!

2010-04-30T13:27:00.001-07:00

So I've tried my hand at a couple of blogs.. this one, a frugal wedding one, and another. At least one of them has flopped... due only to me not keeping up with it. I'd love to keep this one up and give it a new, interesting spin that would bring in more readers and keep my current followers interested :-P
But for now... I am excited about yet ANOTHER blog!!! And I feel this one will be the easiest to keep up out of all of my blogs b/c it will involved things going on every day with us! :D So coming soon.... My "Chasing the American Dream" blog will be debuting shortly! :D

I am a mother

2010-04-03T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am a mother.
I drink a LOT of coffee. I would love to drink more alcohol, but I am often too tired. And have too much to get done.
I wear comfortable clothes. I sport a pony tail or up-do 99% of the time.
I am a mommy.
Spending way too much money at the grocery store is fun, but only if I get to do it kid-free.
I buy food, snacks, and clothes for everyone else and forget about myself.
My DVR is full of cartoons. There are about 600; the same 3 get played over and over.
I never know what to put or say when people ask what my hobbies are.
I am a mother.
I clean all the time and my house is never ready for company.
I smell poop even when it's not there.
I hear my child crying for me, even when I'm not with them.
I do not shower to use the restroom by myself.
I am a mommy.
I raise my voice often.
I am an expert on "good choices" and "bad choices".
I roll my eyes a lot.
I also get "bug eyes".. Bug eyes mean "you had better stop that NOW or BOTH of our heads are going to pop right off!" My head often feels like it could spin straight off my shoulders.
I am a mother.
I often wish that leashes and muzzles were not just appropriate for dogs.
I bask in silence when I can get it. I would absolutely pay for daily naps for my child. I would pay extra if I could take one too.
I am a mommy.
I have one of the hardest jobs and the most wonderful job in the world.
I love another person with every ounce of my being. I cherish my child every day and thank God that I get to be her mother.
I am constantly amazed at how smart, wonderful, sweet, and miraculous my child truly is.
And even if I do often wish I could give her away, muzzle her, or install a mute button in her, I am her mother.
And I wouldn't trade that title for anything.

The red head is driving the blonde crazy...

2010-03-06T17:40:00.000-08:00

Heavy, heavy sighs... That is what you would hear coming out of my mouth if you were sitting next to me at my kitchen table. My sweet red head is approaching a new age and with it comes a whole new level of frustrating behaviors. Abbie is wonderfully independent and yet still very much a baby. She exercises that independence and, at the same time, clings to me so hard that I want to pull my hair out. Today has been a particularly hair-pulling day.
I wish I could count how many times Abbie has decided a crayon belonged on the walls or furniture in the last 48 hours. And I wish I could say that she DIDN'T add a little painted art to the crayola wall creations this afternoon. But no, I feel like I've been bent over all day cleaning off something from our light-colored walls.
And alas, I learn more as a mother as she grows more. I'm realizing, at this particular stage, how important organization of her space is. And how every part of her house needs a defined purpose. And that I have to let a lot of things go on a daily basis. And, last but not least, why valium is so popular. ;)
Have a great day,
Melissa

The truth shall set the Blonde Free....

2010-03-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

For opening up my blog today, you will get to find out one of my deep, dark secrets. Don't get too excited... it's not juicy ;)
My secret is that I have panic attacks. They started almost 2 years ago after a severe reaction to an anti-depressant I had been put on to help me cope with losing my litle brother.
But the worst part is that they have gotten to the point where they control my life. I find myself not wanting to go places that are out of my "comfort zone" and I freak out when I have to commute in the rain or snow. This is a real problem for someone who has to be in class 3 days a week 50 miles away. I have missed classes because of the fact that I am simply too scared to go. Not too scared of driving or wrecking... but just of having the stress build up into a panic attack while I am on the road.
It is hard for most people to imagine living in this kind of fear. It truly, truly SUCKS. Panic attacks make you feel like you are dying. Literally. So you might be able to imagine why even the slightest possibility of having one terrifies me. That terror has caused me to go through countless preventive measures to ensure that I do not have them, including staying home when it rains just so I don't have to drive the 50 miles to Denton. I hate it and it's something I've been trying to get over for awhile now.
Well, today I feel like I took a giant leap in that direction. I had an 8 am midterm this morning, which meant backing out of class really was NOT an option. "I was going to school whether I liked it or not," I told myself in my best mommy voice. So I went through all the prepatory motions to keep my anxiety at a mimimum and set out in the nasty drizzle this morning.
I'm happy to report that I drove that 50 miles there and 50 miles back without a drop of anxiousness. I often go to God for the strength to get over these fears (or to change the weather- lol). And this morning I felt like he said "Melissa, I bring the sunshine and the rain. I'm putting you in this position for a reason. It's so that you can regain control of your life" And I feel like I did a little bit. I felt euphoric and victorious because the fear that typically grips me did not even get close to me today.
For other people, who don't think twice about travelling short or far distances and who could care less about driving in bad weather, bad traffic, etc.. this may all seem silly and crazy. But the problem is that, after a series of horrible panic attacks, it has become a real problem for me that stems much further than just being afraid to travel far distances in the rain. But today I took a big step in overcoming these obstacles, and typing it out is even more liberating. They say the truth shall set you free... Well I guess I've been freed now that all 19 of you (lol ;)) know my dirty little secret.
Have an amazing day!
Melisa

The Blonde brags about the Red Head...

2010-02-11T12:12:00.000-08:00

So 2 nights ago, my little girl recited her first Bible verse. *Mommy swoon* We had just gotten out of the bath tub when she jumped up on the bed and said "Mama! Love is kind!"
"What?" I said, taken aback
"LOVE IS KIND!" she said, jumping around.
It was the first time she had ever recited any of her Bible verses from preschool, and it made me so happy.

Today I got to see her in action when I picked her up early from preschool (thank you, freak Texas blizzard!) and I just loved it! Not only do I LOVE being in the classroom with little kiddos, but it was so fun to see her doing her "curriculum". She loves it so much, and it makes me so happy to see her loving learning. And of course, to be learning her Bible. Well, as much as she can.. :)

This may actually be a 2-blog day because we will be going out and playing in the 6 inches of snow we've got soon. Have a great day everyone! God Bless!

Some blonde and red head memories...

2010-01-30T21:26:00.001-08:00

And then of course our family has been through a lot of rough times as well.
Here is Abbie at our family gravesite the day after we buried Josh.

We actually buried Josh on the day of Abbie's 1st birthday. Some of our family was kind enough to go and get Abbie some Hostess cupcakes and a candle, along with some little gifts, so that she could celebrate her birthday at the reception following his funeral.

Here is Josh with Abbie. He used to often drop by just to see her and what she was doing that day

2010-01-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

I got to thinking tonight about all that my little family has been through. Jeremy and I have been together going on just 4 short years. And yet we've been through so much. Here are a few pictures I found tonight from the first year of Abbie's life.
My favorite- Abbie and her uncle Josh.

One of the 1st times she scooted around

One of the 1st times she rolled over

Jeremy rocking Abbie to sleep when she was first born

Josh and I with our cousins

Jeremy and Abbie after she was first born- You can't really tell it here, but Jeremy looks SO young! (then again, so does Abbie ;))

the Blonde and the Red Head do wedding planning and stomach viruses

2010-01-25T17:11:00.001-08:00

I wish this blog title was some sort of cutesy, play on words. But oh no, this is what is going on in our lives right now. Jeremy (yes, my husband of nearly 2 years) and I are in full-fledged wedding planning mode. We have never had a "formal ceremony" and the truth is... I want to wear my gorgeous princess dress darn it! :D lol. So we are trying to get all of that figured out, along with me starting my hardest semester of school ever. And to top it all off, we have had a stomach bug in the house. Abbie has puked more in the last week than she has her whole life. We went out for a nice dinner the other night, only to have it end with her spewing her guts all over me. I got to walk down the aisle of booths (truly a walk of shame) with all the other, kid-free adults looking at me and I was covered in puke. Bless her heart, she seems to have gotten over it pretty quickly. And she never complained- she was a great patient. Just couldn't keep much down for a few days. ;) She also got sick all over our bedroom, which was something new to us. But hey, I needed new pillows anyway. And apparently all of those grandmommy kisses were not such a great idea because Jeremy is currently driving home from Arlington with my poor mother... who couldn't even drive home because she was, in her words, "throwing up her toenails". Jeremy puked the other night at work, too, but the Dear Lord might have spared His favorite Garner because I have only suffered minor nausea. Just kidding about the favorite part- I'm not being blashpemous I promise :) So that's what's going on in our world. Thanks for dropping in! :D

The Man On The Side of the Road..

2010-01-22T12:53:00.001-08:00

I was driving home from Denton yesterday when I saw an elderly man, nicely dressed, standing on the side of the road holding a sign. The sign read: "I NEED A JOB". Usually, I would just think how sad that was and start brainstorming what I could do for him. But I drove on, a little perplexed.
You see, I know this man. I've seen him at least 5 times over the last 4 years, holding similar or the same sign.
The first time I saw him around the corner from where we lived, I rushed home to copy down local job agencies for him and took it to him with a $20 bill. He hugged me, and from his voice, I could tell he was intellectually disabled.
Like I said, I've seen him many times since. Always holding the sign. Always dressed nicely, usually in a blue suit. And my heart breaks for him every time. And I always say a prayer for him.
But I wonder, too. Is there more to him than my naive mind wants to think about? Could the sweet, old man be addicted to alcohol or something else? Does he have a home? How does he travel? Why can't he find a job? If he can't find a better way to get a job, what else does he have trouble getting?
And yesterday it made me think about the fact that there are somethings in this world that I just don't and probably won't ever get. They're just beyond me, despite my natural curiosity. And obviously, I can't solve everyone's problems. But I can always say a good prayer and let someone who *does* know all take care of it.

My 2nd Holiday Season as an Only Child

2010-01-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

I survived another holiday season without my brother. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I did. He's been gone a year and a half now, and it's hard to say where I'm at. I think about my baby brother every day. I wish he were here constantly. I see the grief, pain, and guilt in my parents' faces all the time. And I know we don't hurt as much as we did. But I don't miss him an ounce less than I did when he first passed away. It's still too much to think about how amazing he was and what life would be like with him here. It overwhelms me and it's just too much. So I don't because there's nothing I can do about it.
I know the next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind of activity, so I'm going today to visit him. I'm going to take some time by myself, probably feed the fish at the pond he is rested next to, and just talk to my brother. I'm hoping it will center me and bring me some peace I might need over the next few weeks.
Have a blessed day,
Melissa

It's been a stormy day, so I'm puttin' up my hands...

2009-12-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

It has been a roller coaster of a day. I have been on a Level Orange Stress Level lately. I am *sure* my husband has done SOMETHING right over the last 2 months... But I couldn't tell you what it was. I have been so frustrated with him. But although he does need to change the way he does some things, I'm sure I could be more forgiving, too. But I haven't. And today I got so fed up (I was cleaning all morning after getting up with Abbie-as always- and trying to work, plus getting ready to tutor my 5th and 7th grader and needing to run errands AND get the baby ready for a nap... And my husband was still in bed... at nearly noon). And I did something saved for the most frantic of moments... I threatened my husband... with my wedding ring.
The day proceeded to be full of whining from my 2 year old, lots of questions as to what we were doing and why we were doing it (Why? is her new favorite word- isn't that great?), and demands for suckers.
I got a credit card bill with an outrageous finance charge and got to wait 30 minutes to speak to the lovely representative from the CC company (I should thank God that she was as patient with me as she was, probably b/c I told her I recognized that it wasn't her fault she worked for a corrupt and moronic corporation :)) There was nothing I could do about the CC charge, and it just got me to thinking about all the OTHER bills I wish we did not have right now.
It's just been one of those days... and I really didn't think a good, God-filled song would help me much. But it did. Because as every last ounce of energy was about to leave my body, I typed in the address for YouTube and retrieved Casting Crown's "Praise You in This Storm".
I like to think that I really never stop counting my blessings and thanking God for them. But I DO forget to simply let it all go, to give it to God... to just raise my hands and praise Him. These lyrics remind me to do that, to just give it all to God: "I lift my eyes unto the hills... Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth" and these: "As the thunder rolls, I barely hear you whisper through the rain 'I'm with you'...You are who You are, no matter where I am"
It doesn't matter what we're going through... even on those days where you literally feel like your whole world: your marriage, your money, you home, and your life could fall apart... God is there. Even if it's just a whisper that we hear of Him, he IS there. He may seem far away to us, but He's as close as always. And the best stress relief we can give ourselves is just to simply throw up our hands and praise Him in the storm.

Hope you've had a great day. And if you haven't, I hope you'll raise your hands and praise His Name anyway.

In His Love,
Melissa

Wow, slack much on blogging, Melissa?

2009-12-26T22:15:00.000-08:00

So I have to admit that, since discovering the amazingness that is FaceBook, I have slacked on blogging.
But I am determined to make it up to every single one of my 12 fans out there... LOL.
I do have a new blog, strictly dedicated to my New Years Resolution, that most of you have already discovered. If not, just go to www.my2010resolutions.blogspot.com :D
As for the blonde and the red head, we had a great Christmas. Abbie got a trampoline, a Disney princess table and chair set (that she can WRITE on!!! lol!), and many other amazing things that I won't type out. She loves all of them. My awesome family trecked their brave butts out here in one of the biggest blizzards Texas has ever seen on Christmas Eve, and we were able to enjoy an awesome evening together. We spent Christmas day with Jeremy's family and we are all exhausted, but happy because we got so much family time in. And we still have one more trip to East Texas to make within the next couple of weeks (thank you, God, for getting me out of that trip on the 23rd or 24th of December; I AM eternally grateful).
It was a crazy Mary Kay Christmas and I'm gearing up for an AWESOME 2010. Abbie will go back to preschool in a couple of weeks and I still have 30 hours of classes to finish. So by the end of January, we'll be back in the grind: juggling school work, Mary Kay, and a full time mommy job.
I know I blogged a few months back about the changes we were making (having Abbie home with me instead of in daycare, etc) and I'm happy to report that I love it. Being home with Abbie and still being able to "work" and go to school is the most amazing blessing in the world. Our relationship has grown so much over the last few months and I am so glad that Jeremy and I made the decisions we did last summer.
I have to go to bed; otherwise I will regret it during church tomorrow morning (does it surprise anyone that I do not have clothes picked out yet? ;) ). Good night, bloggers; Thanks for reading! :D

Productive Days Are Always Good...

2009-11-04T09:59:00.001-08:00

I knew it was going to be a great day when I woke up feeling great at 7:30 this morning. Then, to top it off, Abbie slept with daddy for another hour and I got to sneak out for an amazing Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks. :) I'm pretty sure Peppermint Mochas are sent straight from Heaven.
Abbie woke up in a great mood and I made her breakfast. We actually had clean clothes (a miracle in itself) and headed out the door without wasting a lot of time like we usually do. :D
And, by the Grace of God and one well-planned sucker for Abbie, I was able to make it through errand running with an energetic two year old... and neither one of us had a meltdown. We had some things to return, so we did... and we scored a couple of new items out of the returns. My favorite is a bulletin board that I have been needing for EVER... I am already tacking things up there like crazy! I am pretty sure it is going to be my saving grace... and all for $5.50 :)
I also scored some great things from Ross, like a cute froggie hamper for Abbie, a $3.50 pair of sunglasses for mommy, and an adorable decorative box. All for a grand total of... 75 cents!!!
It's only noon and we've already gotten all this accomplished... now to settle into our at-home routine and get some school work done and cleaning done. Yes, today is a productive day... and that makes for one happy mama. :)

One of those days...

2009-11-03T20:09:00.001-08:00

Today was just one of those days. I didn't sleep all night last night because I kept dreaming of all the things that could possibly go wrong today... I repeatedly dreampt that I missed my 1st class (and an exam), then couldn't find my clothes to get to class. It was raining and then I got lost and someone rear ended me in my new truck- It was just a compilmation of everything that could possibly go wrong. I woke up stressed and not well-rested. Plus, Abbie decided that we should start the Elmo movie every time she woke up as well. Don't even get me started on that.
I got to school 30 minutes early and the lovely parking woman was rude about the new parking pass I needed. :) Then I almost got run over about 16 times trying to find a parking spot... I nearly ran into people and I got about 8 parking spots stolen from me. I was just a couple of minutes late to class after driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot.
The day was just long and stressful. I did get SOME things accomplished, but there is still a lot to be done tomorrow. So I'm thinking it is time to call it a day, crawl into bed, and start fresh in the morning. I am already looking forward to that hot cup of coffee from Starbucks in the morning...

Evils of the world

2009-10-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

So often in our world, all we seem to hear is the negative. We've all said it: "I don't even watch the news anymore. All it is is bad news." We're all surprised when we hear something that touches our hearts on the 6 o clock broadcast. We're a depressed and anxious society. And yet, we try to give eachother glimpses of hope on a daily basis. We pass along text messages and emails telling people we cherish their friendship and we love them. We perform random acts of kindness. But at the end of the day, it is almost always those bad things we have heard that take precedence over our good thoughts. And unfortunately, there are people who have gotten to a point of obsession with these bad thoughts. They are the people who fuel others' anxieties. They are the people who dedicate websites to pure evil, for lack of better words. They may be mean or violent and wish bad things upon other people. They may spread be crooks or hackers. They may be depressed and dedicate websites to help others commit suicide. They may have bought into extreme conspiracy theories, claiming that everything in our society is a sign that the world as we know it is all going to a tragic end.
It's all enough to make me want to unplug my computer and my TV and just not even read magazines or billboards anymore. Unfortunately, as wonderful as mass media is, it only fuels these things. Fear sells. Put the apocolypse on the front of a magazine and you will sell it. Put swine flu on every newscast and you will have viewers. But too much knowledge is not always a good thing. Yes, we need to be informed. But unfortunately, there is no control over who gets to inform us. anyone can start a blog, publish a magazine or newspaper article. Anyone can buy a billboard and tell us that we're all going to die. And it's really unfortunate that having every bit of information in this wonderful, technological world at our fingertips is turning out to be more of a curse than a blessing.
I feel like we often forget how much this dear earth of ours has seen. Do we really think our world is worse than when ancient civilizations practiced barbaric forms of punishment and murder? Do we think we have it worse than those who lived through one or two world wars? Or the great depression?
I envy the Amish and their simple ways. Research has shown that they are some of the happiest people in our country. and why wouldn't they be?
I wish that positive attitudes and morality would spread like wildfire through our society, just like so many of these other ideas do. Because I think too often we forget that our lives and our world are what we make it. So if we want it to be a better place and we want to see smiling faces- Let's get off our rears! Let's smile first! Let's put a big sign on bathroom mirror so that every morning, we can see the words "What are you going to do to make this world a better one today?"

Notes I would Like To Send Out:

2009-08-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

On any given day, there are multiple things I would like to say to people or things. Yes, things! lol. Just little tidbits of information that I feel like passing along, but don't. Mostly b/c it would not do any good. For example,

Dear car,
Please stop beeping at me. I promise I will be okay- even though I am low on wiper fluid! It is not urgent enough for you to beep at me every 5 minutes- you keep making me think I need gas! Thank you,
Your owner

or

Dear Milk,
Please quit upsetting my stomach. I really like my Starbucks frappuchinos and you're making it so that I can't enjoy them. I would appreciate it if this lactose intolerance would go away. So please, can't you and my tummy just agree to get along? Thanks!

Dear husband,
You know those new granola bar commercials where the ppl go around sticking giant wind up keys in other people's backs so that they can turn them on and give them energy to go again? Do I need to put a giant wind up key in your back and turn you on so that you work? Sometimes I swear you're broken. But I still love you. :)

Dear rude girl online,
Next time you decide to write a smarta** email, you might want to consider that the person you're emailing could
a- not be very receiving and willing to help when she gets rude emails
b- be sick and exhausted
c- have a whiny, also sick 2 year old hanging onto her leg and screaming.
So if you're wondering why you got a not-so-nice email back, it's because you didn't take into account what kind of day someone else might be having. And you sent that little smart mouthed email to the wrong mama. Better luck next time.

Dear house,
When are you going to learn to clean yourself?

Dear cats and dogs that reside at my house,
When are you going to learn to clean up your own poo or use a toilet? Come on- the cat on Meet The Fockers could do it. And you're all smart animals... Well, most of you! ;)

Dear whatever sickness has taken over my body,
Please go away. I do not have time for you. Come back later, after I am done with school, retired from teaching, and all my children are grown. Thanks so much for your understanding! :)

and last but not least...

Dear God,
Thank you for everything I am blessed with- annoying car, broken husband, lactose intolerant tummy and all. :)

Changes....

2009-08-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

Wow. The changes that are going on in this house and in our lives right now. There are so many. Abbie will be starting PRESCHOOL this week. Now she's only 28 months old, so I'm not completely freaking out about this... yet. It's not like she's going to kindergarten yet. But after our first Parents' Night, it may feel real and I may have a meltdown due to the fact that it feels like she is growing up too fast.
She also just finished her last week of daycare on Friday. She has been there since she was 9 months old and all of her best little girl friends are there. So I am going to try and keep those relationships in tact while she stays home with me for atleast this semester.
Yes, let's not forget this semester. I am praying (HARD) that the 10 hours I have cut my schedule down to will feel easy breezy compared to previous semesters (and it defintely beats the 19 hours that I WAS signed up for!). I am really hoping that this semester goes by at a manageable pace. Cus that's not usually how my semesters go. No- instead, by the time it is Christmas/ summer break, I am at my wits end and Jeremy and I are usually on the brink of divorce. Not really, but you get what I mean. It is stressful. So I'm hoping that not working as much, having a more flexible schedule, and taking less hours will be better for our whole family.
So it looks like I'll spend this fall studying, substitute teaching (hopefully- I STILL have to hear back from BISD! grr), tutoring, continuing my Mary Kay business, and doing a little babysitting here and there. And that's an EASY schedule- lol! But I'm super excited to stay home with my precious girl 4-5 days a week. That's a big, positive change for us compared to other school semesters.
Also, it looks like the hubby will fly to Orlando in January for his classes that will solidify his readiness for a general manager position (i.e.- a better schedule and a much better salary! YAY!)
Reflecting on all these things, I realize that this summer has really changed our lives for the better. If I hadn't put Abbie in daycare part time and stayed home with her 2 days out of the week, I wouldn't realize how much I did not want to live without that time with her. I probably wouldn't have cut my school schedule down and I wouldn't be making the financial and family changes I'm making that are for all 3 of our best interest. Alot has just changed. I've found a much more sound way to balance our priorities and I'm incredibly happy about the direction we're headed. There are a lot of changes in the near future for our family, but I'm excited about every one of them. :)
Melissa

That's It- I'm getting these finances IN ORDER.

2009-08-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Allright, ladies... hold me to this. Yes, I am a coupon clipping, deal-getting, frugal lady.. But I have been leading a double life. The truth is I have a problem with credit cards. Whew, I said it. The first step is admitting, right? When I get too stressed out about saving money or just have the urge to go and shop (which also comes from getting stressed out about money), I end up charging way too much money on credit cards. For as much as I have saved over the last few months (particularly this year), I have charged hundreds if not thousands more on CC's. And it has got.to.stop. So I'm cutting up atleast one and putting the others in a bag that will stay at home. Locked up. I'm making myself poster boards documenting how much I pay off and anything I charge (I don't plan on it, but if I have to, then I am accountable b/c it is there in writing). I am going to set goals and meet them. It will be hard, but I know I can do it. So that's what I'm doing. *sigh* That's all. Pray for me!

My daughter has officially............

2009-08-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

Tried to eat poop. Yep, it's true. Apparently, a single little terd dropped next to the litter box (which I am unbelievably anal about keeping clean, including the surrounding areas). Abbie apparently picked it up and as I walked in on her 5 seconds later, I could tell she had tried to put it in her mouth. She waited 2 years to develop the habit of picking up random things and putting them in her mouth, but not it is in full swing. I could tell by the way she was moving her mouth around that she had probably tried to stick it in her mouth. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEW. That's all I have to say about that. She got her hands washed and her teeth brushed immediately, but I am sooo grossed out. I am a huge mess/germ-o-phobe, and this is the ultimate fear of mine. Okay, it would have been worse if I had found it in her mouth of if she had eaten it. But still...
And it's almost comical because she's sitting here next to me (doing "work" on her kiddie laptop). And I ask her if, indeed, she did try to put the poo in her mouth. "Mm hmm," she says, still playing with the computer.... as if it's nothing. Just another day in the life of Abbie. And now she's putting on my chapstick... I have to go.

A Great Bedtime

2009-08-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as I pulled Abbie out of the bath and dried her off, she jumped into my arms. She loves to cuddle when she gets out of the bath. So I hugged her, cradled, her and rocked her there on the floor. She looked at me, smiled, and said "Mama, you have your baby in your arms" :D My heart just about burst. I smiled and said "Yes, I do. You're my baby." Of course, then she went into a joke about how I was a baby. Lol.
Then we read our bedtime prayer book. The book talks about how everything calms down at night (the sun, the flowers, the trees, the dogs, the cats, mommy and daddy) and goes to sleep to get ready for the next day. The end of each page reads "Night, night ____" And she started kissing the pictures good night on each page and saying "night, night sun. Night, night birds. Night, night doggie" After we were done, she gave me a BIG hug and kiss and told me night night. I am so in love with that little girl. :)

The Blonde and The Red Head Eat Green!

2009-08-12T11:36:00.001-07:00

So, I have a problem with eating vegetables. The problem is I don't. For years, the only vegetable that has entered my body is corn. However, since having Abbie, my body has been screaming at me to eat veggies. I have been craving things that I know I don't even enjoy. Add to that the fact that Abbie is imitating my distaste for anything green (or for any vegetable, really) and I knew something had to give. Ironically enough, I am SUPER anal about ensuring that Abbie gets plenty of veggies. I hide them in nearly everything since she won't eat them.
But lately, I have started finding more discreet ways to hide them. And I have been eating the disguised recipes as well. :) For example, veggie pancakes. I am IN LOVE. I puree green beans or whatever else and you can't even taste it in the pancakes. We pour a little syrup over it and neither one of us can tell that we're eating vegetables (despite the fact that the pancakes are green- lol).
I have also tried shakes/smoothies, which work out better for me than Abbie. I mix up fresh fruit, veggies, and yogurt in a blender (sometimes with flax seed oil and whey protein for mommy) and enjoy!
But I think our biggest feat would have to be that Abbie and I are both eating fresh spinach salads. We went to dinner a few nights ago with my best friend and her family. And I remembered that she had turned me on to this spinach salad a few months back, but I had never gone and bought any myself. Well, after seeing how Abbie ate the spinach with no complaints (I wanted to jump on top of that table and yell PRAISE GOD! But I didn't.) I had to go buy some. So for the last couple of days, it's been chicken salads for lunch. And I am pleasantly surprised at how much we both like the spinach more than lettuce. We have also both started eating tomatoes over the last few months (yes, it's a fruit, but it's also progress).
Now we just have to tackle brocolli, squash, peas, and maybe some zucchini. I'm so glad that both of us are headed in the right direction. I pray that I haven't damaged my body by not eating vegetables for so many years, and I will not even give her the option to do that to herself. So that's what's going on at the Garner kitchen table! :)
Melissa

What should I do with my laundry?

2009-08-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

I got to thinking tonight about my laundry. I've got a HUGE hamper full in my bedroom that needs to be washed, an equal amount in my living room that needs to be put away, and then a couple loads downstairs in the washer/dryer. I've been meaning to get to it for about..um.. 3 weeks or so. My husband is getting annoyed. (Yes he can do it, too. But his crazy controlling wife keeps him SUPER busy on his days off :)) So I got to thinking what I should do with all of this laundry. So far, I have thought about...
Burying my head in it so that the screams I need to let out don't disturb my child.
Sleeping in/on/under it.
Seeing if I can set a world record for the largest pile of laundry.
Doing an experiment to find out if, in fact, the laundry fairy really does exist.
If you have any other ideas, you just let me know. And take your time brainstorming... my laundry and I will still be here. :)

Our Antics For The Day

2009-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is just red headed children. Or maybe it is just 2 year olds. But I feel that my toddler is equal to about six children. Seriously, if you added 5 more in there, I don't think I'd know the difference. That is what has been on my mind all day.
We woke up this morning. I had gone to bed around 1 or later and was not ready when Abbie came strolling in my room by 7. So I tried to keep her entertained with toys, breakfast, etc. while I shut my eyes for a few more minutes. But then we had to get up and going. We had lots to do. I threw some cereal in a cup (mobile breakfast is great!). By the time we got out the door, Abbie had claimed the cup and my breakfast was apparently over. Just as I had everything in my arms and ready to get to the car, Abbie spills the cup. Naturally. I drop everything and go to sweep it up. Of course, I reminded her that we don't pick it up and put it back in the cup. But I think she snuck a few bites back in there b/c the last bite I took had one of my hairs in it. EEEW.
We get out the door. I don't remember what all she did, but by the time we got from the house to the car, I already felt frazzled. I was catching newspapers that she was trying to let the wind blow away, putting bows back in her hair, and I don't even remember what else. And we were only parked 10 feet away. The song You're Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0QCCNCkvzI)was playing on the radio as let out one of my many heavy sighs of the day and put the keys in the engine. I had to smile. Lesson remembered, thank you.
We had almost made it down the street before the rest of the cup of cereal was in her car seat.
We ran errands for an hour or 2, stopped by a girlfriend's house, and came home for lunch. Pretty uneventful. Except that when I went to get my haircut, Abbie tried to put the 10 foot mirror down on her head and had to sit under a dryer with me. (which she naturally tried to put up and down about 16 times even though I told her to keep her hands in her lap) Lol.
At one point today, I found her sitting on TOP of my dining room table with a bottle of glass cleaner. Spraying it in her hair. "I do my hair," she told me as she ran the glass cleaner through her red curls. Uuugh, child, can I leave you alone for three seconds? Nope. So out the door we went again, glass cleaner hair and everything.
We did get a lot of shopping done today. And despite the fact that my rule is that you pick a place to sit and stay there, Abbie still managed to get in, out, and all over the grocery carts about 19 times each. And run up and down the aisles of nearly every place we went. And hide in the clothes sections. And of course, she had to try and unwrap some candies in the check out aisle as I was loading our groceries onto the check out counter. At least I did not find her trying to chew through the package of rolos again. We've been there before.
Yes, 2 year olds are a handfull. I don't have to tell anybody that. But of course, she constantly makes me smile with all her antics. Like when she jumped up from playing with her trains tonight and ran to get a bandaid from the bathroom... for the train engine. lol. Of course I had to know what happened to the poor train engine. She explained that he bumped into the floor and was in serious medical need. Whew, I thought, what a relief that all he needed was a bandaid. I can't imagine how much it would have cost to have a careflight helicoptor land in our driveway if something serious had happened. Like if he'd lost a wheel. And of course, then Abbie needed a bandaid. For the owie that she got 5 weeks ago. The same one that healed 4 weeks ago. I'm hoping by the time she's 12 we won't have to bandage it up on a regular basis anymore.

So that's our antics for the day in a nutshell. Of course there were many more in between, but I've rambled enough. Have a good night and remember- if you need a babysitter for your whole brood and you're in our neighborhood, just bring em on over. I promise it won't feel any different. ;)
Melissa

The Terrible Two's

2009-08-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am sure that one day, many many years in the future, I will look back on this blog and smile. So that is why I am posting it. Okay, maybe it is also to vent a little bit. Let me start this blog with a disclaimer. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world. I really, really do. But most days, I think I am going to lose my mind.
If I did not watch them test her hearing in the hospital, I would swear it doesn't work. That girl completely disregards every.single.thing I say. Seriously, it has gotten to the point where I start to tell her not to do something and these are the thoughts going through my mind:
A- "Why are you even speaking?"
B- "What discipline technique are you going to use when (not if- WHEN) she doesn't listen to you?
She IGNORES me.
But I know she can hear because when I say come here, she runs. When I need to get her dressed, change her diaper, get her in the bath, get her undressed, put her to bed, get her out the door, or anything else... she runs the other way. It's a game to her, no matter how many times I tell her that it is NOT a game. Seriously, the minute I say "Abbie, let's change your diaper", she heads for the door. I chase her down for EVERYTHING.
I have to physically restrain her to brush her teeth. I did have a few techniques that were working... until she figured them out and makes me resort to holding her down to brush her teeth.
And let's not forget the lovely toddler habits. Just tonight, Abbie tee-teed through her panties and onto the stairs. No problem; we're potty training. But did she have to run her hands all through the pee pee as soon as it hit the floor? And again after we washed her hands and as I was trying to clean it up?
Of course, meal times are always pleasant. Abbie refuses to sit in or be strapped down to her booster seat and then doesn't want to sit in her high chair. She is a picky eater. I still have to puree veggies so that I can hide them in her food and she pretty much refuses to eat leftovers.
And last but not least, she is attached to me. No, that is not always a bad thing. But she has gotten to the point where she will not let me out of her sight. I will literally go upstairs to grab one item that is sitting at the top of the stairs and she has to come with me. I love that she loves me, but sometimes it is just so much. I'm the only person she wants when she is hurting, scared, tired, or in any other mood. When I pour a glass of milk, she insists on sitting on the counter. Lord help us all when I try to cook.
I know I sound like an awful, unappreciative, whiny mother.I'm not. I know that I would take my high maintenance child over so many other scenarios. Sometimes I just need to put down all of my frustrations in one place. Anyway, that's my terrible twos rant for the day. I wouldn't trade her for the world, though. If I did, I'd go insane from the quiet. ;)

Is it okay to pray for them to pass out?

2009-08-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

I took Abbie swimming this morning with the hopes that I would get to enjoy a productive nap time. I was going to clean house, send emails, pay some bills, and even get some work done. Wanna know what I'm doing? Blogging. Because I'm trapped in my bedroom being a comfort to my 2 year old who is in my floor, curling up on a pillow and watching Elmo, still fighting sleep like she has been for the last hour and a half. The fact that she passed out in the car on the way home and then was allowed a leisurely 20 minute nap (thank you very much, Starbucks drive through! :S) does not help because it just gave her fuel to stay awake longer once she got home. Sigh. I have put her in her bedroom about 6 times, but she keeps getting out. I have put her in bed with me. I have put her in the pallet in the floor. She's got pillows, soft blankets, stuffed animals, and even Elmo. And yet I'm sitting here, not getting anything accomplished. Maybe I'll do some online shopping. That's productive, right? ;)

More Elmo and Screaming than I ever Want to Experience Again....

2009-08-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Abbie and I took a looong nap today. We probably slept 2-2 and a half hours. The reason? We are recovering forma lovely bout with hand, foot, and mouth disease. Yep, the first thing Abbie ever brings home from daycare after a year and a half of being there. And it was a doozy.

My child, whom I've never seen watch more than an hour of TV in her life, has sat in front of that television for the better part of the last 4-5 days. I am pretty sure we have watched Elmo Goes to Grouchland 18 times. We have also solidified our love for Thomas the Train and Barney, and had a brief fling with Calliou.

And for whatever reason (be it the rash in her mouth or an adverse reaction to sleeping in front of the tv), Abbie has not been sleeping well. Ok, let me rephrase that; Abbie has not even been sleeping badly. It has been that awful. Our formerly somewhat peaceful bedtime routine has been turned into an event that would deem our upstairs portion of the house as a certifiable natural disaster area. And all of this before we even realized she had the virus. There has been screaching, crying, banging, throwing, hitting, kicking. Did I mention screaching? Oooooh, the screaching. :( She has gone to bed hours too late and woke up hours too early. It became apparent very quickly we would have to make some sort of compromise with our distraught toddler.

So she has slept downstiars. On the couch. In front of the TV. With mommy. With daddy. In grandmommy and grandaddy's bed. In our bed. And you would think that she would pass out when it was already hours past her bed time, she'd only taken half a nap that day, and she'd spent 75% of the day distressed over something. But nooo.

We have had more late night slumber parties over the last week than I care to talk about. I have been blessed by God with understanding and love like I wouldn't belive I possessed some times.

I have layed in Abbie's room (on a good night after we got her medicated by the way), pretending to be asleep (so that maybe she would drift off). I watched her play, jump, read books, sing songs, and oh... let's not forget... play with diaper rash cream. Oh yes, they tell you you'll do a lot of things as a mother. They never mention that you'll lay in your toddler's floor, feeling like a bad spy as you inconspicuously peer at her out of one eye, watching her open a diaper rash cream tube and stick her finger in it. And then get up and wipe her hands off with a wipe. Yes, on a side note, that was part of one of our slumber parties one night. As I lay there in the floor, Abbie lay down on her fuzzy bear rug in her floor. Aah, I thought, she's finally going to sleep (we'd been in the room for an hour by this point) Nope; she picked up the tube of Desitin and meticulously opened it and stuck one of her tiny fingers in it. She looked at it, turned it, and studied it some more. Then she stood, took a clean baby wipe, and carefully wiped off the finger. She layed back down, got comfortable, and opened the tube again. She got up and wiped it off again. I watched her do this 18 times. And while I was laying there, I thought "people never tell you about this part of motherhood."

But alas, we are hopefully putting these experiences and so many more behind us. In fact, we are headed off to bed now. I am not sure how it will go, so pray for us. She is already requesting Elmo. *Sigh* And for the sake of my sanity (which depends on sleep to survive), ask God to ensure that Abbie does not get sick again any time soon.

Love,

Melissa

Count Your Blessings

2009-07-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

I guess I'm just on a spiritual rampage when it comes to blogging lately. ;) But today I am thinking about blessings. So many times in life, it is so easy to see what is WRONG with our lives. And it's always brings a nice and refreshing smile to my face and heart to get a little perspective in those situations. So here goes...
I really don't like my car. It's ENTIRELY too small, only has two doors, and is 10 years old this year. I have wanted another for.ever. But it gets my daughter and I where we need to go safely. It takes me to school to get an education and to work to make money. And on top of that, the AC works great (a blessing straight from God in the Texas summer) and the mileage, as well as the mpg it gets is great.
I get chronic headaches every time I get ready to begin a new semester of school. In fact, they don't go away once the semester progresses, and they actually get worse. It is S.T.R.EEEEEEE.SFULL trying to go to school full time (and commute an hour) while being expected to pick up and drop off and take care of a 2 year old every day of the week (and earn the $200/week it takes to pay daycare). Add to that that I have a husband who works nights half the time and isn't usually home before 7 even when he doesn't work nights, and I feel like a single mom half the time. But you know what? I'm not a single mom. And I LOVE getting an edcuation. I love learning about what I want to do with my life. I love working with and teaching children and that's why I keep going back every semester. :)
I hate having a messy house. I am too tired at the end of the day to pick up all of the little toys that litter my floor, not to mention the clothes/blankets/bibs/toothbrushes/books/sippy cups/food and God knows what else my daughter has managed to drag out during the day. But if those things did not clutter the floor that I so long to be sparkly and debri-free, I would not have a vivacious toddler that is blessed with an able body that can pull all of those things out. I would not have a 2 year old who drags out blankets to give to mommy when she is tired or the cats or the baby dolls or who ever else might need them at that time. I would not have a beautiful girl who loves to read and insists on spreading books about all day. If all of those things did not have to be cleaned up, I would not have the active and amazing little girl that I do. And I thank GOD that I am allowed a perfectly healthy and perfectly wonderful angel who finds joy and play in literally everything in life. That's why my floors/house are a mess. Because she has spent the day playing and enjoying so many different things. She has spent the day in her own blissful, 2 year old world. And I would not trade that for all the clean houses on earth.
I also often question why on earth I decided to share a home with my parents after my brother passed away. They drive me crazy. We are polar opposites when it comes to housekeeping. I don't even like to leave my daughter with my mom most of the time. Why, oh why, I wonder, don't we just go and get our own place where we can live our own lives as a family? But then I remember that they save my sanity. Like when Abbie wakes up 3 hours early and completely surprises her exhausted mother. And grandmommy is already up... and entertains Abbie while mommy gets that much needed hour of sleep on the couch. Or when she feeds Abbie a snack so that mommy can fill out some online job applications that seem like they would be PERFECT for her. Or entertains her when mommy has to do all of the many little things that she just cannot do with Abbie on her hip/leg. It's those moments that save my sanity, and I remember why we made this decision to share a home with them at this point in our lives.
I've only got one more, but it's a biggie. I'll let you in on a little pet peeve of mine. Oh, it annoys the bajeezers outta me! Without fail, I remove an empty toilet paper roll from the little holder it sits on about 9 times a week. And most of the time, I replace it with the new roll that has already been pulled out and placed on top of the empty roll or on top of the commode. I have become utterly convinced that my husband does not know how to work the toilet paper holder thingy. I've just accepted it as fact, despite the fact that I want to throw it at his head half the time. But you know, if I didn't have to replace that toilet paper so many times and if I didn't have to roll my eyes about it (and SO many other things) every day of every week, I wouldn't be married to the man of my dreams. I wouldn't have an amazing husband who has more love and thoughtfullness than I could ever dream of having. I wouldn't have a partner who completes me so perfectly because he is everything I am not. I would not have a man who loves my daughter more than anything in the world, and who is the best father she could ever hope for. If I did not have to change those toilet paper rolls, pick up dirty clothes from the floor, haul out his world's largest collection of Dr. Pepper cans that he leaves lying around the house to the recycling all the time, I would not have the most incredible man to spend my life with. I would not have someone to share with, grieve with, and most importantly- laugh and love with.
So that's how I'm counting my blessings today. I know I've rambled again, but hopefully it's been a good ramble. ;)
Melissa

Jesus, Bring The Rain

2009-07-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am thinking about the things God puts in our lives. Particularly, the obstacles he puts in front of us. A couple of years ago, I thought I'd seen it all. I thought the worst was behind me. The bad decisions, the horrible people, all the pain I had experienced... I thought it couldn't get any worse and that I had defintely seen more than most in our country. But little did I know that it would only get worse. And that even though I had overcome the obstacles that I knew would take years to forget/forgive, there was an obstacle to come that I would never recover from. And there have been unbelievable blessings in between. BIG blessings. I have an amazing daughter who could not be more perfect and a husband who people tell me religiously to be thankful for. And I am.
I thank God every day for what I have and what my family has. And I never blame him for what we don't have. I don't ask him why he has put people with such awful habits and addictions in my life... people I can never get rid of, nor would I want to. I don't ask him why my brother had to die or why I have been through so much in life. Yes, I think about these things. Obviously, I think about them. I type them out on my blog because I think about them so strongly some days. But simply put, they're not "God" things in the fact that they're in the past. And God doesn't deal so much with the past. He deals with the present and the future in my opinion. And as far as the present and future are concerned, I can only ask that God heal these wounds I have and save these people in my life. I can only ask that he keep my family and I safe and not allow these obstacles that are so intertwined in our lives to bring us down. And he comes through. Every time.
"I can count a million times, people asking me how I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me. Could circumstances possibly change who I forever am in you?"
"So I pray.... Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain. But if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain." Bring The Rain, Mercy Me

2009-07-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Tomorrow is going to be a really rough day. It would have been my little brother's 21st birthday. He was 19 when we buried him just over a year ago. It's so hard to imagine that it's been that long since we put him there. I don't even want to think about all the things he could have done in the last 14 months. But I do. And I wonder what he'd want for his birthday. Jeremy and I would probably take him out for dinner and let him drink as much as he wanted. He always hated that everybody was older than he was. I know he didn't like feeling like "the baby". His 21st birthday would have let him feel like a grown up, so to speak. And it sucks that he won't be here to celebrate it. Or any other birthday. Ever.
I try to remind Abbie of her uncle and how much he loved her. But it's so hard. Tonight, she cuddled up next to the pink bear that he bought her the day she was born and smiled. I asked her if she knew where uncle Josh was. It seems so natural to say "do you know where he lives?" But he doesn't live anywhere. He's not alive.
I wish I didn't have to work the next few days. I'm realizing that I really want is a couple of days to just be by myself , to just curl up in a ball for as long as I need to and be alone with my thoughts and my memories. But instead I'll get just half a day tomorrow to get my "gift" ready and go "visit" with him. I like to take him things, even if they are funeral-inspired flowered crosses or sprays of flowers. I like to stand them up to show everybody who sees them that it's my brother's birthday. I so want him to be celebrated. To me, those flowers tell the world how amazing he was. For me, it's a kind of validation. It's like me saying "This was the most wonderful person ever. And I've made sure that every one knows this is the day he was born. And he deserves to be celebrated on his birthday." No, people don't understand all of that from a spray of flowers that they pass by or see from across the cemetary. But at least it makes me feel a little better.
I wonder what a therapist/ counselor would say about my overprotectiveness of the memory of the person who is my little brother. As weird as it is, I touched my brother so much during the days when he laid in his casket before we buried him. I wanted to make sure his hair was the way he wanted and that his pillow was comfortable. But I couldn't stand to touch his hands because they were so cold. And it reminded me that there was no life left in his body. The minute he died, every bit of personality and amazing character that I knew went with him. And I hate that so much. I hate that I can never get that back.
I'm sorry I've rambled and jumped around so much. This blog was for me more than anyone else. But I've got to stop now. I have to crawl out of my hole because if I get much deeper, I won't get out. I only let myself go to this place every couple of months. But when I get here, I fall fast and I have to know when to pick myself up again. So I'm going to take one more deep breath, cry for a few more minutes, and then pick myself back up. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. My next blog will be more upbeat, I promise.

Multitasking Mama

2009-06-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

I seriously need to cut down on the multitasking. I think the crazy busy mommy in me is just permanently set on overdrive. What do I mean? Glad you asked…

· I file my toenails while I am stopped at red lights. (only if they need it though!)
· I am notorious for taking things in the bathroom with me because I am just too busy to put them down… when I only have to pee.
· I have 7 internet windows open and 5 microsoft word documents open on my computer right now. And I’m winding DOWN for the day.
· Even when I get ready and get into bed, I have a notebook on my night stand so that I can write just ONE more to do list before I go to sleep.
· I have been known to read and try and work on my laptop while I sit outside my 2 year old’s bathtub. This usually results in water on my laptop or books, however, so I have cut this multitasking technique out.
· I cannot stand to just drive and not do anything else. I have often wished I could be on the computer or just getting things done in general instead of wasting time driving.
· When my daughter pretends like she is making phone calls, she never holds the phone with her hand. She has always cradled it in between her ear and her shoulder. Because that’s the way she assumes it is done.
· I am sitting here at 12:40 am… with the Venti Starbucks caramel frappuchino with a shot of energy that I got after dinner tonight (okay so maybe that just FUELS my busyness! Lol).

Ok, this list started out as a joke. Now I am realizing that I SERIOUSLY need the vacation we have got coming up.

Mommy Time

2009-06-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight's blog is just about me. :) I got a lot done tonight. I am proud of myself. We put Abbie to bed about 30 minutes early and I just kind of took off from there. I think having a DESK in my office (that I actually USE now!!!) really helps. I have needed a desk for SOOOOOOOOOOOO long now! But I have not had the time, money, or a big enough vehicle to go and get one. I have been meaning to go garage sale hunting. Well, the other day our next door neighbors were having a garage sale. So I marched over there, bought their old particle board desk, and rolled it right down the sidewalk and up our mile long driveway. It is perfect for me. It has 4 different levels and plenty of storage space- which I SO need! So anyway, I think that helped me get some work done. I finished reading a chapter I needed to read, turned in a good assignment reflecting the chapter, AND managed to play around on DAM for a good couple of hours! Lol. PLUS I have been sitting here listening to good classic country music on YouTube for the last hour or so. It's been nice. The hubby crashing into bed 2 hours ago probably helps too. It's nights like these that I almost feel like I get to go on a retreat. The house is quiet. I can indulge myself- even if those indulgances only go as far as DAM and country YouTube music. That's a treat for me! Having a quiet house and getting a lot accomplished on top of enjoying the little things in life is like mommy porn. Lol. That's all for tonight. I'm going to take a hot bath.

What Fathers' Day is All About..

2009-06-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 11 pm on the night before Father's Day. My husband is asleep as a result of a long day of fishing. I go into the kitchen and get my husband's card and sign it. I debate whether or not to include the dress clothes I have gotten him as his gift (to go along with the promotion we are anticipating soon!). I decide not to, as I'd like to get him something more sentimental than just clothes- but do not have anything yet. I think that I'll probably go to walmart tomorrow and frame a cute picture of Abbie or something. I know she still needs to make him a card, but of course we haven't had time to do that either. I always end up the night before or day of holidays/anniversaries/birthdays with gifts that just seem to lack a little. And I get him clothes WAY too much! :p Oh well, I think. I'll deal with that tomorrow.
And then of course, I realize that, despite saving every gift bag that sets foot in my door, I have nothing to put the clothes in. So I jot down on the card that gifts will come later! (i.e.- after he gets home from work tomorrow night.) Yes, he has to work on Father's Day. The joys of being in the restaurant business. :p
I then walk upstairs and into our Jack and Jill bathroom. As I pick up towels and walk over random piles of clothes, I roll my eyes. I swear I just cleaned this bathroom! I go to put his card on his bathroom sink, knowing that's the first place he'll go in the morning. But before I can, I think it best to move my hairbrush (he hates when I take stuff from my big counter top and crowd his little counter with it!). Then I see some of my mineral powder left on the counter and decide I should probably wipe that off, too. After all, who wants smudged foundation on their card envelope? I move aside the tweezers that I used to pluck my eyebrows earlier. In fact, I wipe a couple plucked brows off the counter, too. Ew. Finally, I place the card up against none other than a mucus relief medicine box and a bottle of baby sunblock. I go back, picking up hooded towels and toddler clothes, as well as all of my husband's ditched dirty laundry.I pick up the towel that was used to soak up ALL of the water my 2 year old managed to get on the floor while we were showering earlier tonight.
At some point during all of this, I realize that this truly is what parents' days are all about. After all, if it weren't for the clothes in the floor and the wife who leaves stuff all over your counter, the hooded towels and the baby sunblock, I wouldn't be putting the Father's Day card there at all. I just hope my husband sees life's simple joys in all the things that I do.
I decide that I will get up extra early and make him breakfast before he goes to work. I'll wake Abbie up and let her take it to him in bed. He deserves it. And on a mommy time saving note, that will keep us from going to wal mart and framing yet another picture that he really doesn't need. Breakfast in bed will be much more meaningful. And I'm all about avoiding a trip to the grocery store! Happy Fathers Day to me! ;)

Praise God- We May Have Found An Answer..

2009-06-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I think we may have found an answer to our shopping, um... experiences. Notice how I use a nice word there (as opposed to disasters, hell-trips, or the list-topper for things that I hate doing with Abbie).
Yes, it's true. My two year old is not the best shopping buddy. All of you mothers of two year olds or previously two year olds can faint with surprise right about now.
But today, from what will hereon be known as the day God finally answered my prayers for grocery shopping salvation, we found a solution. Or at least a TEMPORARY solution. Is anything NOT temporary with children, particularly toddlers?
We went to Kroger. On a Friday afternoon. After daycare and playing all day. Before dinner. It was not a recipe for success, but I brought snacks and water. Then, like I always do with every shopping trip with my darling daughter, I ran into the battlefield full speed, holding onto my helmet and praying hard. The goal is to get in and get out and not get shot or killed, after all.
We had never been to this Kroger before. We learned right away that they have the little kid carts that Abbie likes- the ones that they can push. You don't see a LOT of kids, especially 2 year olds, pushing these in stores because most kids are content to sit in the car carts or ride in the ones where you can watch TV. Not my two year old. Oh, no. We lasted about 1 shopping trip before the appeal of the Car Cart wore off. And my toddler doesn't care about TV.
So we push the kiddie carts when they are available. However, the complication up until this point had been that we had not found a grocery store that we were actually SHOPPING at that had the kiddie carts. For example, the other store that has them has groceries that are way too expensive. But my bank, pharmacy, and coffee place are there, so we go a lot. And Abbie pushes the little kiddie cart. But Kroger's cart was BIG (well, as far as kiddie carts are concerned). And Abbie was excited. "Abbie cart!" she told me. I was excited, too. "All right, honey, get your Abbie cart and let's go!"
This was me throughout the store "Ok, honey, remember to watch mommy and follow me."
"Abbie, remember not to hit people with your cart."
"Ok, sweetie, you have to look up or you'll run things over."
"Slow down, speed racer."
But she did very, very well. And of course the other patrons could not get enough of her. Here she is, with her cute little red-headed behind, and she's prancing around with this cart (with groceries in it!) that she can barely see over. Lol. Seriously, her eyes were BARELY over the part that you hold with your hands.
I had to giggle when she picked up a single banana and tossed it into her cart as if to say "ok, check that off the list. Let's go. We've got things to do." Moments later, she decided she was hungry. So I encouraged her to eat her snack of goldfish while we were stopped and I was looking for things. But she did not want to put those fish down. And if you know Abbie, you know that EVERYTHING is a multi-tasking experience. So here goes the little girl who people can't even believe can push a cart and she grabs the front of the cart with one hand so that she can hold her snack with the other. And she's just prancing about this store like "hey, look at me. I shop and eat at the same time." I should've given her a cell phone and let everybody laugh at how she holds it with her shoulder instead of her hand, even when there's nothing else in her hands. Lol.
Anyway, the point of the story is that we made it through an HOUR AND A HALF of shopping time without incident. All because Abbie was able to push her own cart and carry her own groceries. For us, the mommy/daughter team that you'll usually find in the middle of the men's section taking a time out, that is a miracle.And she truly enjoyed it. And the other patrons enjoyed her. Despite how many people she cut off, I didn't get one dirty look. And everybody actually told me it was okay. So that was nice as well. And of course to put the cherry on top, the cashier wasn't finding my kroger card with my phone number, and the guy behind us immediately offered his. Right as Abbie was just starting to show signs of being tired of the grocery store.
I walked out of Kroger feeling a little drained, as usual, but very very good about the overall experience. So Kroger on Grapevine Highway, we may not be shopping anywhere else from here on out, no matter what your prices. Because you have the miracle carts.

2 Year Old Appointments, Oh My!

2009-06-01T12:57:00.000-07:00

So Abbie is getting ready to wake up from her nap, eat a snack, and get ready for her 2 year old Pediatrician Appointment. Poor girl. As far as she knows, it's just going to be another fun-filled afternoon with Mommy. But oh how I am going to betray her. I'm taking her to the land of poking, prodding, and of course... needles.
I am very interested to see how this appointment will go. You see, Abbie has not been to the doctor since 15 months old... before she talked. And my how things have changed. I am trying to fathom all of the words she is going to use to describe how she feels when her Pediatrician starts examining her and then giving her shots. Who knows? Maybe I'll hear some new words.. Lol. I will update later. If you read this before 4 PM, please pray for a safe voyage.

Abbie's First Day at The Zoo!!! :) :)

2009-05-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

Today was Abbie's FIRST EVER TRIP TO THE ZOO!!! Can you tell that I'm a little bit excited? Lol. Yes, it has taken us awhile to "get around" to taking her just because Jeremy and I work such opposite and crazy hours. But I am so glad we did- and I'm SO glad we were the first ones to take her. Abbie goes to in home daycare, and her DC provider was actually going to take them on 2 occasions over the last year. But because of weather (both times, I think!), they did not go. I was SO relieved. I remember wanting to get out of school commitments the first time because I did NOT want her to go the first time without me! Silly, I know, but it's one of those things where I really wanted to be there to see the looks on her face for the first time.
Anyway, we had SO much fun. Our favorite part was defintely the monkeys, a specific little family in fact. I cannot remember their names right now- bongos?- but I have to say their behinds were HUGE! (Well, at least ONE of their behinds-the other 2 were not so large). I could not get over it! It was like she had the world's biggest hemmroids! Lol. That may be TMI, but if you've been to the FW Zoo lately, you've got to know the one(s) I'm talking about!
Anyway, we went inside to the area where you can view the monkeys up close and personal through the glass. And here is this family- A mama, a daddy, and a baby. I told Jeremy you could tell which one was which. The monkey with the biggest hemmroid hiney and sagging breasts was obviously the mommy. (She was chasing baby, too). The baby was the little one that was jumping off the walls! Seriously, he was swinging from the grates in the ceiling and doing all kinds of tricks! It was hilarious! And of course, daddy was obviously the big one in the corner just eating lunch and keeping to himself.
At one point, the baby actually swung down the little rope and flung himself RIGHT into the glass where Abbie was standing! She freaked out a little bit, but recovered quickly after we told her that the monkey couldn't get to her. It was defintely the highlight of my day. We saw most everything, except for the final exhibits of crocodiles and alligators I think. By that time, it was way past naptime and very hot outside. We topped it off with some Bluebell ice cream and called it a day. We avoided major meltdowns and had a great time as a family. All in all, it was a great success.
I will post pictures later!

Almost 13 months later..

2009-05-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am having one of those nights. I don't have them often, but I need them every now and then. One of those nights where I need to listen to sad songs and go through old pictures. I look at the pictures of the first year of my daughter's life, and all I can think of is that my little brother was here then. I search through pictures, trying to find a glimpse of his shoe or his hand in them. He didn't like having his picture taken, so there are very few of him. But I try to find him, knowing that he might have been there, even if in the background. It's my way of catching parts of his day to day life and remembering different things he used to do.
The minute my brother passed away, a defense mechanism kicked in in my body that made it feel like he'd been gone for ages. So I have to have these nights to remember what it was like to have him here. If I remembered every day, I couldn't function. I couldn't be a mother to my daughter. So I push the memories of what it was like to grow up with such an amazing human being aside until I can be alone to deal with them.
If I thought it would make a difference, I'd rip up the dirt over his casket... just to hug him or touch him one more time. But he's not there. He lives in my heart and my memories. What's sad is that it's only been 13 months and already it's so hard to find him in those places.

Abbie's First Night Away From Home

2009-05-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

Tonight is a milestone for our family. It is Abbie's first night away from home. She is staying with my Mother-in-law, Sister-in-law, and her baby cousin. I have to say, I think I am doing pretty good (although I having to remind myself that she is not asleep in her room upstairs). I thought I was going to feel WAY out of my element, considering Abbie is 2 years old and we have only ever spent 4 nights apart from each other. But she has still always been at home. This is the first time she has ever slept away from home without Jeremy or I. One time, when she was a newborn, we did stay at his grandparents' house overnight. And she slept in the bed with us. But other than that, she's never stayed the night anywhere but her own bed. However, she adapts very easy. And from what I can tell, she doesn't even miss me. Lol. It might be nice to get up in the morning and actually get some things done. But I'm sure it will be weird too...

Ah, the joys of motherhood...

2009-05-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

So I blogged (well, wrote in Microsoft Word) last night about our day before I actually created my blog (today). Firs of all, I am SO excited that I get to spend 4 whole days out of the week with Abbie! This is huge for us since I am always in class or working. She is usually in daycare 5 long days a week. But for this summer, it's just the two of us Saturday-Tuesday. Then she goes to daycare so I can work and get things done Wed-Fri. This was our first week at home and we had SO much fun. Here is a recap of yesterday for your amusement:

· Abbie peed in the floor- again. But this time she did not tell me about it like she usually does. Instead, grand mommy stepped in it.
· Abbie put on training pants for the first time ever. It did not bother her when they were “cool”. So she just wet them like she usually would and did not tell me they were wet. And she called them diapers, even though I kept telling her they were big girl underpants.
· Abbie and I went outside to play with the dogs. Abbie tried to chew on their nasty, muddy chew toys.
· Abbie and I went to the store and she stayed buckled in the big girl cart the WHOLE time. Yes, she wiggled her arms out and screamed half the time. But she stayed and without too much incident. In fact, it was a really good trip for us.
· Abbie pulled my hand (A LOT) and told me “ets-go, mama”. This is her new favorite thing to do. It is not my new favorite thing for her to do, especially since it always come JUST as I sit down. “No mama, get up. Get up couch, mama. No sit down. No rock, mama. Get up. Ets-go, mama” Sigh.
· We had a great day. Yesterday we had a wonderful day with daddy. We went to the park and played all morning. We visited the library and got Abbie some great books. I can’t wait to go back now that we have memberships (Jeremy’s idea, thank you very much!). Today was much calmer, but still good. Tonight, we danced a little bit (or rather I spun Abbie around and she giggled then said “ ‘Gin, mama’). We had chef Boyardee and turkey hot dogs for dinner, so I didn’t have to cook. (I did put green beans in her ravioli, in my defense!) So that was our day, in a nutshell.

This is Us...

2009-05-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

So I am super excited to have my own blog! I love to write, talk about the craziness that is my life, and keep in contact with friends and family. So this is long over due. The purpose of this blog will be to keep others updated on what's going on in our lives. A little background on me and my family: I am married to the man of my dreams, Jeremy. We have a two year old little girl, Abbie. Though my husband and I have brown and blonde hair, respectively, our little girl has turned out with BRIGHT red hair and we absolutely LOVE it! She looks just like my little brother, Josh, whom we lost April 29th of 2008. So the fact that she is carrying on the tradition of his red hair is really special, especially since no one else in our family has this hair (with the exception of our newest addition, my nephew, Darian). Before he got here 5 months ago, it was just my daughter and brother. When Josh used to go out with her, everyone would tell him they could tell he was her father because of how much they looked alike. He would have to explain to them that he was just her uncle. So it is really amazing that we get to see so much of him live on through her.
As for me, I am a full time student/entrepenuer/wife/mother. My husband works difficult hours in the restuarant industry, and I am left to make my schedule around our daughter's, which is less than easy. But we make it work. I am going to school to be an elementary school teacher and I could not be more excited! I have a passion for working with young children and helping them develop a love for knowledge. I can't wait to finish my degree next year and get in the classroom. When I am not in school, I run 2 businesses, including a Mary Kay business. I tutor children and work outside of the home as well. So there's a lot going on in my world, as well as my family's. And I plan to use this blog to tell all about it ... the good, the bad, and the ugly. :)