They say that the only thing constant is change. Today, that feels more true than ever. Today, September 23rd, was the first day of autumn. And as the weather changes this week, so have the lives of so many people I know. Today, as the wind blew cooler and continued to give us the relief we've been needing for months, I drove a hundred miles away to a town I'd never even been to. I was there for a funeral. And as I watched the changing scenery on the drive, and noticed the continuing change of the weather, my heart was heavy with the family and friends we would see when we arrived.
Today, as the world continued to turn and change, it stood still for a mother who was burying her 28-year-old son. And although it is heartbreaking for any mother to bury their baby, this funeral was particularly difficult to watch. Because two years ago, this mother buried her only other child. Her first child was killed by a drunk driver; her son's heart gave out while he slept. Neither of these was expected or even foreshadowed. And yet she had to plan both their funerals. Everything changes.
This week, a co-worker of mine and my husband's was buried as well. A 44-year old father who had a passion for life and who played fantasy football with my husband. Everything changes.
This week also marks the one-year anniversary since my high-school boyfriend passed away. It marks one year since I began emailing his parents back and forth, checking on them and exchanging stories about how our lives are going. It makes one year since I began worrying about how they were holding up, especially his fragile mother.
And one year since my world fell apart healthwise. One year that I've been dealing with the many struggles and trials that have accompanied all the health issues I've had. One year spent answering questions, coming up with new questions, and continuing on what could very well be a lifelong journey to getting better. Everything changes.
I wish I could say this was an unusual situation and that I'd never had so much change at one time. I wish I could say I hadn't lost both my grandfathers within 2 months of eachother, followed by my aunt and next-door neighbor within the next 8 months. I wish I could say I didn't find out I was pregnant at that same time and that I hadn't had many friends pass away before. I wish I could say that everything calmed down for a while, but a year after I gave birth, my brother was dead. And of course, death is not the only change in life. No, we have gained and lost jobs since then. We have made friends and watched others leave our lives. My husband and I have grown apart and together. Everything changes.
I've often felt like I just want life to stop changing... even if just for one year. But if I know anything, it's that change is the only thing I can really count on.
I wish I had a more upbeat note to end this ramble on, but unfortunately my heart is heavy tonight. And try as I might, I think God just wants me in this reflective (albeit slightly depressing) state tonight. ;-)
