My 2nd Holiday Season as an Only Child

I survived another holiday season without my brother. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I did. He's been gone a year and a half now, and it's hard to say where I'm at. I think about my baby brother every day. I wish he were here constantly. I see the grief, pain, and guilt in my parents' faces all the time. And I know we don't hurt as much as we did. But I don't miss him an ounce less than I did when he first passed away. It's still too much to think about how amazing he was and what life would be like with him here. It overwhelms me and it's just too much. So I don't because there's nothing I can do about it.
I know the next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind of activity, so I'm going today to visit him. I'm going to take some time by myself, probably feed the fish at the pond he is rested next to, and just talk to my brother. I'm hoping it will center me and bring me some peace I might need over the next few weeks.
Have a blessed day,
Melissa